They are Thomas' breathing, how sharp and heavy he is. They are James' fingers curling through his pale hair, blunted nails over a scalp no longer tender from being sunburned. They are two bodies in a bed in a closed room above a crows of people. They are obscure shapes on an island that no one feels compelled to know, but that the sand will remember no matter what anyone else thinks. The room is paid for. Their place in it is secured. Thomas is James' aching knee, and James is Thomas' mouth trying to grin and kiss all at once. Nevermind what is or isn't remembered by anyone else. The point is that it would be absurd to deny any of it. Look at all the things they are on paper, and know that all of then are at best some partial rendition.
He wraps his arm loosely behind Thomas's neck, which he knows to be freckled above the line worn by shirt collars. He says soft, shapeless things into his mouth. Later, despite himself, he will have forgotten the bright pleasure of the impulse and recall only the sharp prickle of irritation and fear; but for minutes here and now, he thinks he would like to leave this bed, this room, and looks at some other person while the marks Thomas has pressed into him are still bright on his skin, because he wants someone else to know.
It is the best of things sliding sideways into them the worst of them, and this is what loving is like: he wants to delight in both versions of those things - this room and the ones outside it - like Thomas can read even the worst book and find some true thing in it.
He presses kisses to Thomas' mouth. He says, I want you, like he doesn't have him even when his cock isn't involved, like he hasn't had him. But he finds no harm in the redundancy.
Is that so, breathed out against him; like they don't always want each other and don't always have each other. They had each other even when they didn't. They had each other before, when they were doing nothing but playing verbal chess, sending biting tests back and forth. They had each other in the dark, when they mourned so blindly.
They have each other - now, sticky and weak and comical, and Thomas doesn't think there's a happier moment in a thousand lifetimes than sweaty post-coital cuddling with someone you love so incandescently. He shifts over, putting them side by side facing each other with limbs still tangled enough to qualify as unnecessarily (vitally) smothering each other.
(Someone else will know. Does know. Money has already changed hands from at least one betting pool. That headache is not for this moment.)
"On your ship," yours, no matter who built it or paid for it or who else has ever been voted in charge of it, "you had blood in your mouth after a fight, and I wondered if you would taste the same, because I always thought something about you had that iron undercurrent. Beneath all the sea-salt I think is just part of your .. cosmic makeup, down throughout the center of your bones. You are the most.. perfectly elemental being and I," am laughing at myself now at this addle-brained rambling, "love you so completely."
It's the breed of supremely absurd thing that Thomas Hamilton- Thomas Barlow - just Thomas, first names and loosened collars and and now the sunburned backs of his ears, can make sound true because he believes it when he says it. In anyone else's mouth, it would be cloyingly sweet, overwrought. No one thinks that's true. But Thomas does, and so James believes it; that he could be all iron tang, the metal and smoke smell of gunpowder not just in his clothes but of his skin. Tell him anything, as long as Thomas is saying it.
"If you wrote that down," James says. His mouth is twitching behind his mustache. "It might almost be worth the paper you put it on."
He laughs then, low and full. In the tangle of their bodies, he kisses Thomas while grinning.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
He wraps his arm loosely behind Thomas's neck, which he knows to be freckled above the line worn by shirt collars. He says soft, shapeless things into his mouth. Later, despite himself, he will have forgotten the bright pleasure of the impulse and recall only the sharp prickle of irritation and fear; but for minutes here and now, he thinks he would like to leave this bed, this room, and looks at some other person while the marks Thomas has pressed into him are still bright on his skin, because he wants someone else to know.
It is the best of things sliding sideways into them the worst of them, and this is what loving is like: he wants to delight in both versions of those things - this room and the ones outside it - like Thomas can read even the worst book and find some true thing in it.
He presses kisses to Thomas' mouth. He says, I want you, like he doesn't have him even when his cock isn't involved, like he hasn't had him. But he finds no harm in the redundancy.
It's good - to be rewarded.
no subject
They have each other - now, sticky and weak and comical, and Thomas doesn't think there's a happier moment in a thousand lifetimes than sweaty post-coital cuddling with someone you love so incandescently. He shifts over, putting them side by side facing each other with limbs still tangled enough to qualify as unnecessarily (vitally) smothering each other.
(Someone else will know. Does know. Money has already changed hands from at least one betting pool. That headache is not for this moment.)
"On your ship," yours, no matter who built it or paid for it or who else has ever been voted in charge of it, "you had blood in your mouth after a fight, and I wondered if you would taste the same, because I always thought something about you had that iron undercurrent. Beneath all the sea-salt I think is just part of your .. cosmic makeup, down throughout the center of your bones. You are the most.. perfectly elemental being and I," am laughing at myself now at this addle-brained rambling, "love you so completely."
no subject
"If you wrote that down," James says. His mouth is twitching behind his mustache. "It might almost be worth the paper you put it on."
He laughs then, low and full. In the tangle of their bodies, he kisses Thomas while grinning.