Must, he says. You may think, he says. As if he is the arbiter not just here in this room, but everywhere and for everyone. As if he doesn't just know every small piece in play here, but owns them. Controls them. As if he has all along. As if the reason any of them are here in this room has anything to do with him and not a series of choices by other men and women who accidentally placed him here to make this decision he has no right to make.
(It scrapes something raw in him, a knife stripping flesh from bone maybe.)
"Really. And how did you arrive at that conclusion?" It's only just barely a question instead of a flat judgement of Silver's assessment. How the fuck did he get there?, and the thought is so laces with anger that he can taste it bubbling up in his chest and flooding into his mouth, pressing against the backs of his teeth.
He doesn't mean to, but Flint is so still there in the stern window seat that it's as if he's part of it - or some dangerous predator pretending to be - or his attention is so divided into the stab of resentment that he's neglected to do anything else with himself. He can't remember the last night he forgave someone of anything; it's a good thing Silver hasn't actually asked.
Perhaps there will be no forgiveness. Flint may never forgive him. Madi may take this decision poorly. John will have to live out the rest of his days under the weight of their grievances. He'd never imagined willingly taking on such a burden at the beginning of this journey. His fingers tap along the edge of his thigh before he lifts his hand to the arm of the chair instead.
"Because I know Thomas Hamilton is alive," John tells him, braced for Flint's reaction. This is why he'd kept out of arm's reach. John has no desire to die.
There was no way to soften the statement, even if John had wanted to. This news is a blunt object. It will come down like a swung club no matter what sweet words John sought to wrap the news in velvet. All there is for him to offer is a truth that Flint must have long ago put to rest. John can only imagine the effect it will have on him, and he wouldn't like his own odds going up against it.
It shouldn't meant anything to him - that this is the thing Silver says to exonerate himself with. What is one terrible lie beside everything else? He's already undone every worthwhile thing. He's replaced the stones in the wall they'd been unbuilding. An hour, a day, he'd said. At least there on the island, the words had seemed true. His reasoning had felt as honest as it was broken. He'd believed those things. This is different.
Flint looks at him, split open and hacksaw dull. It feels like being strangled, he thinks. And laughs, lopsided and flat - one short crackling sound as the sea shifts under the ship's hull and the greatcabin murmurs around them.
But he cannot pretend that he isn't using what he knows of Thomas Hamilton to disarm the weaponry of Captain Flint. He doesn't deny that. It is a sin. One more sin in the long line of transgressions John had committed. This one is both the least and greatest among them at once. He took a confession made to him in the dark and used it to root out the one thing that could dismantle his dearest friend.
If Flint was ever his friend. John applies the word to him knowing that it does not fit correctly. They had been more and less than friends. And John has torn that asunder now. He does not think the gift of Thomas Hamilton will be suitable to repair the damage he's wrought.
"I'm giving you back to him," John says, because it's the only hope he has left. Captain Flint's story ends in a reunion with his long lost love. The world continues as it was, undisturbed.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
(It scrapes something raw in him, a knife stripping flesh from bone maybe.)
"Really. And how did you arrive at that conclusion?" It's only just barely a question instead of a flat judgement of Silver's assessment. How the fuck did he get there?, and the thought is so laces with anger that he can taste it bubbling up in his chest and flooding into his mouth, pressing against the backs of his teeth.
He doesn't mean to, but Flint is so still there in the stern window seat that it's as if he's part of it - or some dangerous predator pretending to be - or his attention is so divided into the stab of resentment that he's neglected to do anything else with himself. He can't remember the last night he forgave someone of anything; it's a good thing Silver hasn't actually asked.
no subject
"Because I know Thomas Hamilton is alive," John tells him, braced for Flint's reaction. This is why he'd kept out of arm's reach. John has no desire to die.
There was no way to soften the statement, even if John had wanted to. This news is a blunt object. It will come down like a swung club no matter what sweet words John sought to wrap the news in velvet. All there is for him to offer is a truth that Flint must have long ago put to rest. John can only imagine the effect it will have on him, and he wouldn't like his own odds going up against it.
no subject
Flint looks at him, split open and hacksaw dull. It feels like being strangled, he thinks. And laughs, lopsided and flat - one short crackling sound as the sea shifts under the ship's hull and the greatcabin murmurs around them.
What a hideous thing to promise him.
"Don't." Do that. "Don't use that here."
no subject
But he cannot pretend that he isn't using what he knows of Thomas Hamilton to disarm the weaponry of Captain Flint. He doesn't deny that. It is a sin. One more sin in the long line of transgressions John had committed. This one is both the least and greatest among them at once. He took a confession made to him in the dark and used it to root out the one thing that could dismantle his dearest friend.
If Flint was ever his friend. John applies the word to him knowing that it does not fit correctly. They had been more and less than friends. And John has torn that asunder now. He does not think the gift of Thomas Hamilton will be suitable to repair the damage he's wrought.
"I'm giving you back to him," John says, because it's the only hope he has left. Captain Flint's story ends in a reunion with his long lost love. The world continues as it was, undisturbed.