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ƬƠƬƛԼԼƳ ƇƠƊЄƤЄƝƊЄƝƬ ƑԼƖƝƬ ([personal profile] katabasis) wrote2017-06-11 10:27 pm

[PSL] in this sense the open jaws of wild beasts will appear no less pleasing than their prototypes




The bread that is over-baked so that it cracks and bursts asunder hath not the form desired by the baker; yet none the less it hath a beauty of its own, and is most tempting to the palate. Figs bursting in their ripeness, olives near even unto decay, have yet in their broken ripeness a distinctive beauty.
aletheian: (𝓮𝓵𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓷)

[personal profile] aletheian 2017-09-29 06:36 am (UTC)(link)
No explanation is needed for Thomas to understand James is moved by something, stuck on somewhere with it between his ribs. He doesn't think it's Richard himself, achingly honest as the moment is, but whatever he's evoked must be important. He can't guess what wounds and losses lie in the life of Captain Flint, just like James can't know what startles Thomas awake in the night.

He is a solid presence beside him, his hand around his tight, their lifeline together. You belong out here. It is a beautiful distinction.

"We all will."

--Charlotte, from her place curled between Bettina and Frances, head on her hand against the older woman's shoulder. She's watching them with clear eyes, though her skin seems flushed even in this gloom. Bettina's hand on Thomas's forearm shifts, fingers curling. She doesn't sound placating - she sounds steady, and like she's speaking to James as much as Richard. A pinprick reminder that he shoulders nothing alone, not even them.

There is no argument in her wake, and there is some sort of covenant about it in the quiet that follows. Thomas moves his thumb across the back of James's hand, still wet with rain. No one needs to be convinced. They're already here, and they know he means it.

Richard is looking at him almost shyly, nerves apparent still even after James's confirmation, and Thomas just smiles, small and lopsided with how bruised he's feeling, but it's honest.

It's been a long time since he's changed someone's mind about anything.

"Thank you." For telling them, for being here. Every life that's made it out of the corpse of that place (even the proper criminals? maybe) is a light let back into the world again, and Richard is as important to him now as anyone else. This kind of shared experience carves a person and leaves them changed forever, can't ever be explained. No matter how well or how poorly they shift back into the sun, there are fingerprints inside each, mapping out this moment.

"Do you know any good Bible verses for the situation?" is Charlotte again, softly shooing away encroaching cobwebs of strange thought.

Thomas almost laughs. "God, no."

Richard does laugh.
aletheian: (𝓯𝓸𝓾𝓻)

[personal profile] aletheian 2017-09-30 03:43 am (UTC)(link)
Beneath their leaking roof and the blankets shared strategically between eight people, Thomas shifts James's hand further into his lap, so he can hold it between both of his. Half-dozing he rubs his palm, the tendons of his wrist and the back of his hand, laces their fingers, just touches him. Out here they will not be afforded the protection of tolerant authority, but Thomas doesn't mourn it. Like he refused to be grateful for slavery he will refuse to miss even the smallest piece of that place; he thinks of the dog he had to kill, its confused trembling as life slipped away, and wonders how often it was beaten and how sincerely it loved the human who did it because the same hands offered food and soothing after.

He's so sick of scripture.

The day crawls on, wet and miserable and everyone content for it anyway, and he thinks he must have nodded off for a while - he's not sure when the rain became less deafening, but it has. There are probably pink imprints on James's wrist where Thomas has been clutching at it for so long, but all he does is smooth his fingers over the skin there instead of letting go.

Across the camp, someone is whistling a cheerful tune. Thomas doesn't recognize it. He wants to ask, suddenly-- awfully-- if Miranda kept playing, if she learned anything new, what her favorite close contemporary piece was. Would James know? Children have grown up and musicians have kept producing work and books have kept on being written. And he's been--

He doesn't know how he keeps from asking. It's an insensible impulse, and so bitter, burned at every edge. The same kind of brokenness that's the foundation of this whole moment, and wildly, painfully beautiful for it at the same time. They don't have to be cleaned or healed or ready for it, they don't have to be anything; it can be bitter. He looks over at James, the damp spiky halo of his regrowing hair, the lines beneath the dirt on his face, his jaw hidden behind a red beard Thomas hadn't had an opportunity to get used to in London.

Smiling like an idiot.
aletheian: (𝓼𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓮𝓷)

[personal profile] aletheian 2017-09-30 11:26 pm (UTC)(link)
It makes sense this way. To be at the edges of the real world, digging fingernails in under the gristle of it and pulling, like scraping away a politely retouched painting to find the true original beneath. Thomas knows how difficult it will be as they draw closer in, as they move further away from the potential of being reclaimed, he knows he will be disjointed and shaking, overwhelmed, in-adept. But how brilliantly wonderful to be able to be that way.

Richard stirs as Thomas straightens up, somehow managing not to laugh at the way Frances looks so comically interested in the unsolicited offer. It's not funny-- they're probably all some degree of almost-starving, considering how much physical work they've been doing and running on quick mouthfuls of dry things shoved in bags. (A cautionary memory, eating a meal a Quaker woman had cooked up, rustic and beautiful, and then bringing it back violently. Thomas has trouble where the others might not, thanks to the asylum.)

It is very hospitable of the trappers, and Thomas says so. The man looks like he has something else on his mind, dithering, and Thomas tells him that if it's any trouble they certainly aren't obligated to share their food. Dissent among ranks won't bode well for them.

"Not that, not that, we don't mind," he says, peering past Thomas into the little shelter for a moment, eyes narrowed. Then-- "Your lady who's hurt, she's doing well?"

"She is."

"Who's minding her? You?"

Thomas isn't sure where this is going, and apparently neither is Frances, crouched near behind him and looking over at James briefly with a puzzled expression. After a moment Thomas tells him that's so, more or less, though it sounds like there are unspoken caveats.

"Our man here, he isn't doing as well. Would you look at him?"

"Oh," Frances says, sounding a little sympathetic, and Thomas pauses again before, carefully: "I'm not a doctor," but the Frenchman shrugs it off, eager for even a non-professional opinion, apparently. He beckons, and Thomas says quietly to everyone else, "Can you all ask the universe for that man to have a sprained ankle." Really, he doesn't think he'll be able to do much for anything worse. Charlotte does the math and grunts as she moves to get up, intent on going with him. Which is more than fine.

Before he gets up, Thomas looks at James. Well.

"Accept the things to which fate binds you," is quiet, not private because it can't be-- but still personal, the first half of a quote he knows James can finish.
Edited 2017-09-30 23:30 (UTC)
aletheian: (𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓻𝓽𝓮𝓮𝓷)

[personal profile] aletheian 2017-10-01 09:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Unfortunate, as neurogenic fever will not be identified for a few centuries and is a crap shoot even then. Charlotte puts a hand on the sick man's forehead and gives Thomas a queasy look. He doesn't feel overwhelmingly positive about it himself, thinking back on times when he struggled with illness, experience offering no real insight to elusive internal problems. Rainwater makes it easy to put a cool rag on his forehead, and Thomas speaks quietly with the man observing them, deciding they might as well try getting his temperature down.

"When he comes around see if he'll drink some water," is the best advice he can give, not knowing what a doctor might suggest. (Cutting a hole in the back of the head open and putting dried peas or wooden pebbles in, apparently. Good thing Thomas has no idea.) The man he's speaking to, who calls himself Mercier, is amiable enough, pleased to have run into them for the sake of their ill companion and happy to talk about the area. Thomas watches Charlotte as she makes her way over to James and Frances, trying to stay aware of who watches them the most in return. Their ringleader is easygoing but indifferent, perhaps used to strange events out in the wilds of the New World, but Thomas doesn't particularly trust indifference.

His slightly pessimistic reflection is interrupted when Mercier says something surprising in response to one of his questions, and, huh. They talk a little more and Thomas joins the others at the fire, standing near enough to James to speak to him lowly.

"The northward plantation we were concerned with failed eight months ago and was abandoned," he says, "I'm told it's now 'haunted' and dangerous to travel through, which I take to mean someone unpleasant is camped there." It explains why there weren't more men scouring the woods in this direction, and it's good they didn't end up veering too close to-- bandits, or whatever.
aletheian: (𝓼𝓲𝔁𝓽𝔂𝓼𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓷)

[personal profile] aletheian 2017-10-02 09:50 am (UTC)(link)
Good that it's hypothetical, because Thomas has no earthly idea and no metric to use to make a guess. He takes the offered cup, forgetting to consider whether or not it sharing it might count as odd-looking. (He isn't foolish, he hasn't forgotten the practiced habits he tailored a portion of his life around, but there's something about he and James, even now.)

"Not particularly," he says, of the question. Pausing to take a mouthful of broth, grateful for both heat and the blandness of it. He doesn't need to think very hard about what the Frenchman he'd been speaking to was projecting, so used to observing people closely out of necessity. "Certain, though, about the inconvenience of getting close to it."

Distantly, he wonders if telling a pirate about a potentially haunted thing was wise; perhaps there is some allure to the idea tangled up in instincts alongside blood money and the earring James has now and.. monkeys won in card games. Or is that too frivolous a thought to be having in between grounded concern about their continued safety and the brilliant, knife-sharp elation of getting to be concerned at all.

The man engaging Richard and Frances in conversation is pleased for conversation beyond his companions, even more pleased that a pretty girl is doing the translating, and while nothing about his body language says threatening, Thomas knows how fast that can change. For now everyone is content with the novelty, at least, though - no, they can't stay out here forever.
Edited 2017-10-02 09:52 (UTC)
aletheian: (𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓽𝔂𝓼𝓲𝔁)

[personal profile] aletheian 2017-10-03 01:15 am (UTC)(link)
Inconvenience, because what is danger out here besides something that slows business down, it seems. That's a wry thought if there ever was one, considering past dangers willfully seen instead as simple or even purely theoretical obstacles. Things to be gently navigated around but not worried about.

Haunted, full of terrors. There are more immediate potential terrors. He drinks more of the broth and hands the cup back to James with the rest left in, automatic. "Grim at best, I think," he says, low enough that even their companions who speak English would have to strain to hear. "I don't know what to do about someone who's hit their head hard enough to be in that state."

A doctor just as well might not either, his tone implies. Miles beyond Thomas's proverbial pay grade, as it were, possessed of some alright emergency medic knowledge and tales of odd remedies Annie's described to him over the years, discussing the ignorance of European medicine. Nothing applicable to this situation, and thus nothing to smooth over potentially disgruntled hosts if their usefulness not coming up better or equal to their novelty goes over poorly.

And yet even if this takes a turn, it still feels like a miracle. Whatever happens, at least they'll be rested for it.
aletheian: (𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓽𝔂𝓼𝓲𝔁)

[personal profile] aletheian 2017-10-03 04:41 am (UTC)(link)
"I've never found that to do any good," is quiet, but somewhat oddly toned. Only somewhat. They're all very tired. (He knows it's the go-to for most ills, but every time, every single time, it was worse, and they tried it again and again when he wasn't ill, and calmly took notes, and Thomas remembers.)

Anything further is aborted in favor of paying attention to Frances and the hunter; Thomas doesn't turn to something ready like James does, but watches, and passes a hand over her shoulder as she walks with the borrowed cup back to their ramshackle excuse for a tent with a warm look. She was right to dissuade him-- even if this man, even if any of them, genuinely mean no harm, strange men appearing suddenly in proximity of - well, Bettina, at least - would set them on a quick path to chaos.

"Does he have her hair when it's grown out?" asks the man as he steps closer to them instead, gesturing. He has surprisingly kind eyes (or maybe it's Thomas who should be reprimanded for finding that surprising), and there's a pause before Thomas answers, taking a moment to keep from expelling an overly-fond laugh. Oh.

"Yes," and then, to James: "She gets her hair from you."

Apparently.

He goes on for a bit, about absent family, and Thomas wonders a little at what he isn't saying - everyone has their own tragedy, in this and any world. But he shifts, "How do you think he's doing? Victor?"

"Ah.." Mm. "The fever must break, I think. Otherwise whatever ails him is an injury inside. You could try bleeding, but he's so weak."

The hunter makes a thoughtful, though slightly negative, sound. "Smell might pull fuck knows what. Spirits and bears alike. You ever run from a bear through the mud?"

"I have not."

The look on Thomas's face makes him laugh.
aletheian: (𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓽𝔂𝓮𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽)

[personal profile] aletheian 2017-10-04 09:45 pm (UTC)(link)
What excuse could they give, if one of these men decides to ask them what happened? There's nothing. 'Inept rescue party' might be fractionally less damning than all of them being runaway slaves, but it's for the best if they all hope no one asks. That in mind, the longer they speak to each other the closer the question draws-- and Thomas is happy for the practical interjection. It's easier not to sound so nervous with James beside him.

Thomas relays this and there's minimal back and forth, the man offering a shrug that isn't a denial but not expressing any immediate interest, either. He calls over his shoulder at their ringleader, who is similarly very medium about the idea, but that could mean a lack of concern for their scraps being carried away as much as anything else.

"It's a maybe," he says to James. "I don't think they're hurting for anything besides a miracle for their man and drier weather."

The third man sitting on the ground says something that makes Thomas's spine go tense, and the man they're speaking to give an exasperated denial before Thomas's, "No, that's out of the question." His voice is quiet with effort to not sound-- something. But it's uncompromising. The man by the fire shrugs, and the party boss's indifference holds, offering no real reaction.

"He didn't mean anything by it, there'll be no trouble," the friendly hunter says, placating in a gruff way.

Thomas just nods. Behind them Richard is returning the tin cups, and Thomas decides that's cue enough to go back to their shelter-- waiting a few paces out to speak to James, hopefully without being overheard in either direction.
aletheian: (𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓽𝔂𝓽𝔀𝓸)

[personal profile] aletheian 2017-10-05 05:25 am (UTC)(link)
"Yes."

That one man is friendly and another is prioritizing their presence as access to low level medical care is not enough to outweigh the danger. They knew from the first moment it was to be a tenuous thing, as all windfalls must be, as carefully negotiated as possible. From a practical standpoint one man being crude doesn't cancel out the help they so desperately needed, but from a personal one, Thomas hopes he gets eaten by one of those bears apparently lurking out in the trees.

Bettina with her vigilance, Sophie's whispered I don't like them (and Bedlam, he doesn't, won't think)-- the world is the world is the world, and they are out in it.

His hand twitches towards James, reroutes to his neck, some absent twinge.

By the time they've reached the seam of their little island, every tense edge in Thomas has smoothed out by sheer willpower, and somehow he does not immediately say I don't want any of you to wander alone, even a few meters. Though that's coming. Instead he crouches down and quietly checks in with all. It'll be dark soon, the day wasted in water, and everyone can use more rest.
aletheian: (𝓼𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓷𝓽𝔂𝓮𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽)

[personal profile] aletheian 2017-10-05 07:21 am (UTC)(link)
Strange how the edge being taken off of exhaustion is what lets Thomas sleep; every part of him was brittle inside this morning from lack of rest but the dreamy rainstorm has pulled some of the barbs out of hyper-awareness. It could be, too, that James sitting sentry makes him feel safe enough to go soundly on the cold ground, Bes huddled beside him with her forehead against his shoulder.

He's not sure if he sleeps the whole night through solidly - he thinks he was half-awake for a while, but when he comes up from unconsciousness the memory of it becomes elusive. James's profile, but it couldn't be overnight, could it? There was light and wind, and the smell of salt, or blood. It was peaceful, if they held still.

"Richard. Never far from you."

Thomas's voice is quiet, tranquil, but the look he gives him is pointed enough that the young man understands, hurrying up to play escort. Thomas is busy cleaning out Bes's wound, Bettina sitting between them and the opening to make sure no one can see her. She looks over her shoulder at James for a silent Good morning, her gaze keen. Eager to be on their way as much as he is, cognizant that this turn of events may delay them.

"It still hurts like hellfire," Bes is saying, breathing slow and deliberate, "but inside isn't so bad? I don't know how to describe it. Yesterday it was awful from my stomach to my toes, it's just this, now."

Thomas murmurs, "That's good." With his palm over clean bandages to hold them in place while Bettina ties it off, he looks to James, blue gaze communicating--

everything.
aletheian: (𝓼𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓷𝓽𝔂𝓸𝓷𝓮)

[personal profile] aletheian 2017-10-06 06:06 am (UTC)(link)
"That man's timely recovery is all luck and you know it," is Thomas's slightly exasperated opinion on James's sneaky tone, encouraging Bes with a firm hand to raise her knee up and flex and bend her leg, making sure she can still move and feel her toes. What exactly are you planning over there, darling.

"Well mine fucking isn't," Bes immediately interjects through gritted teeth, "so let them call you brilliant so we can get their shit and get out of-- Ow, Bettina!"

"Alright, alright, that's plenty, thank you both."

Bettina has one hand still hovering menacingly over Bes's good leg, ready to pinch her again if she gets too chatty (no matter that it's in English, apparently). Thomas just sighs, though there's no ill humor in it, because even if they're bickering, Bes is well enough to be doing it and that's more than he could have hoped for a day ago. He'll do whatever James thinks is best-- he's out of his depth with trading and negotiating alike.

Outside, there's easy-sounding chatter, and Thomas keeps half his attention there to catch snippets of words and the tone of the girls' voices. He'll get up once they get Bes back in a pair of trousers without a hole in and half her weight in dried blood. He gives brief consideration to the merit of digging up something to change into himself, but decides against it given the muddy state of the world. No point.
aletheian: hands can mean anything!! (𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓽𝔂𝓼𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓷)

i thought it was deliberate for ominous impact of some kind

[personal profile] aletheian 2017-10-07 02:37 am (UTC)(link)
The map is as mysterious as a language he doesn't know, but the shape of the land is strangely familiar - Ida had one of the whole American coast, and he'd stared at it, its notes about territory, its little dots of settlements, for what felt like hours all in all. Maybe it was. This one is closer, and he doesn't understand any of the details.

(Shouldn't it be easy? He thinks of his father and the men he'd been pushed to associate himself with as a boy, pioneers of pack hunting for foxes and deer marksmanship; he thinks of James's attempts to teach him how to use a sword; would it have really been so unbearable for him to spend time at any it? Learn to load a pistol, read a map, hold himself defensively? Where might he be now? The same place, probably, but maybe he'd be something besides-- whatever he is. You can change a bandage, and recite poetry. How useful. Fucking vital.)

"Thank you, Sophie," he says. "I'll be right there."

It takes some particular maneuvering to exit without jostling Bes's leg, anyone else, or the cups, but he manages. Hand on James's knee for leverage (and yet, lightly). And then he's away, heading over to the fire and the men and girls gathered about it. To his absolute bafflement, the Frenchmen are indeed convinced his advice had a critical role to play in Leroux's recovery. "We'd never have thought to let him breathe more," and hands wringing nervously as Thomas crouches before him and looks at his eyes and touches the side of his head, as if he has any idea of what he's doing.

"Just make sure you look after him," Thomas says. "Have you ever struck your head and felt dizzy? He may feel like that for some time."

Leroux has some trouble speaking, but is ambulatory enough, and apparently cognizant. He communicates with Thomas quicker through holding up a hand for yes or no (shaking his head is right out).

i forgive u

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