Thomas reminds himself, sometimes, that even if they were of socially acceptable coupled genders, or if they were accepted without caveat, that they would not observably behaving so differently. His occasional expressions of affection with Miranda were somewhat scandalous, Bonny and Rackham are hardly kissing around every corner, and it's not as though he and James are the type.
He laughs, bright and breathless, manages not to punch his bicep for that coy look. "This."
Or are they not the type. They've never tried - and acting out the same, fatal charade here in this lawless world as they did in England is sometimes too much to bear. There is something viciously freeing in having slammed that door with no attempt at defense. This it not something that needs justification, and they are not in fucking England.
Trying to peel James' shirt off while horizontal is slightly clumsy work, but as always, he falls into being practiced. Familiar shifts of posture and expanses of skin, with new scars, and freckles baked differently in the sun. It's not fair that James, ginger, tans even a little better than Thomas, who does nothing but burn horribly. Absurd. Beautiful. He pushes into the hand between them. Mm. (He doesn't think of the past, but he does think it's very nice that his sexuality returned after Bethlem, eventually.) With his weight on one elbow, Thomas skims one hand up James' chest and throat, pressing his thumb over his mouth as he shifts to scrape teeth along his jaw so he can murmur near his cheekbone, low and quiet, "I feel every way with you, my love, unraveled to the barest limit and still.. given pause over.. what to do with you."
And has been prone to thinking them elsewhere, and in more inconvenient instances than flat on his back in a bought room with a cracked plaster ceiling and a door which either latches or doesn't.
(Before the trouble with Thomas' hand, say, when the Ranger's accountant had yet been operating as Charles Vane in fiat; the intrusive quality of watching Mr Barlow in the waist of some captured ship brusquely going about the business of taking the account as wreckage from the shattered foremost rigging is being cleared away from about him, and being suddenly aware that his interest has more to do with the line of Thomas hip and the flush of activity or sunburn on the back of his neck than it is to do with any show of seeing that Mr Barlow not somehow fuck them.
—Well.
There is something to be said for having Thomas here, on shore. Things like how he doesn't have to be sick with nerves when they are running down on some merchantman who's refused to strike her colors; how Miranda deserves her husband; how Thomas is maybe just marginally less likely to find himself in a position where he might be stabbed for being too fucking well bred in Nassau than on the deck of an unsecured prize. But it also means more than once being stuck on the Walrus at anchor on the harbor, snapping and surly over the ship's business keeping him there instead of finding some quiet, private place to reacquaint with Mr Barlow.)
So maybe he has an idea of what he wants as he takes Thomas' thumb into his mouth, humming some low note around it in time with the pointed squeeze of fingers. And maybe the real absurdity is anyone pretending that this is at all different or particular from every other hour of the day, when really the suggestions he makes with his tongue and the edge of teeth are as premeditated and sly and expectant as any other tactic. There's a basic self satisfaction in it; an insistence toward action. Getting the weather over on some prize isn't really so far removed from sucking Thomas' fingers into his mouth while he has the man's cock in his hand.
Perfectly logical, natural, like breathing, like ocean water during a storm. Thomas' breath catches on a quiet laugh, and he follows it by worrying a spot behind James' ear, sure to leave a mark. Tips of fingers - elegant still, despite becoming more and more work-rough - press against the soft curl of his tongue, thoughtlessly indecent. Here, he doesn't need the confining pretense of thought. If there are spiderwebs of insecurity (I used to talk so much more, I used to look so different, I used to shape my beliefs in another way), they're burned away by this simple feeling. Connection. Want. Love.
--Increasingly impatient desire. Thomas pushes up - leaving his fingers where they are only long enough to duck in and place them with his mouth, his own tongue, claiming a deep, artless kiss - to get better leverage to start shuffling two pairs of trousers off. Something downstairs happens to prompt screaming cheers from what must be the whole company, hardly noticed in this heated chamber. Thomas rakes blunt fingernails down the crest of hip to pelvis to wrap his hand around James' erection, palming him, stroking upward and shifting to hold them together, in a tangle of laces and all else. Bright heat on such delicate, silky skin, the rough edges of fabric tugged only half-away, glassy eyes caught between the sight of it and his lover's face.
That's fine; patience comes more easily alongside warmth and the press of skin, Thomas' sure hands, and the look in his face when he's looking at him. There should be some inherent contradiction in it - unmitigated want shouldn't be a thing that satisfies too. But there is so much effort in it, so much of the world rearranged in desire of it, that seeing it plain in Thomas is like tasting the thing that makes the mouth water.
So never mind whatever inconsequential thing is happening downstairs—(What brought the Walrus man to door in the first place?, he doesn't think; Christ, let that din be over something easy like a pair of tits out)—, he's engaged with the bare line of Thomas's neck and shoulder under his fingers, and the heat of him against and between them, and first returning that kiss with his own hungry mouth then setting teeth and tongue to the sensitive skin of Thomas' throat.
Maybe the mark will be pleasantly obvious. Maybe, with the Ranger presently at large, it will be difficult to attribute it to Mr Barlow's French mistress.
The sting of James' teeth makes other parts of him jolt, and Thomas tips his head back to let him make whatever mess of it he wants - Mr Barlow's French mistress is on a ship on the sea somewhere far away from his throat, and besides, her little shark fangs never find his skin in the first place. He hopes James feels an ache in the back of his teeth in perfect satisfaction against the frustration of every time they've had to pull away, tug up collars, be so very careful.
What's the point of being an anarchist outlaw if you're still being strangled to death by propriety. (What's the point of stealing and liberating and disrupting if you aren't doing it to fight back.)
The arch of his spine, the exhale from his lungs; Please. Fingernails (at his side, from the hand not on his dick) (Thomas has manners) rake against him. Leave every mark. There's no pain or attraction to suffering; only reality, and excess, and actually tasting the damn thing.
Unless James is actually going to draw blood and turn both these threads into surprise horror, Thomas is going to properly sit up and drag his trousers and all else off. Manhandling him where he wants him (briefly thinking how different sweat and heat smell when it's from lust than fear, how something can be so different) and only offering a brief detour to set teeth against the inside of his thigh, then his mouth is on his cock. Not as practiced as he once was, but still. If James meant the other way 'round he can lodge (hah) a formal complaint somewhere.
There is, for whatever record is being kept of this moment—so none; as this matters only in this room and between them, and to no one else in the whole fucking world, which would irritate if it weren't something so firmly possessed or they were expected to leave this room still pretending otherwise—some brief sound of protest. Because actually, yes. He had meant--
"Christ."
Which is half frustrated laugh, fingers shifting in pale hair, and half the lines of muscle and sinew which sharpen toward the heat of Thomas' mouth. Because it's good regardless. Because for all that this is an uninterrupted line drawing straight back to steps outside of Parliament, and for all the careful touches and arrangement of hands and laces and pale scars since, it's still true that they both fallen free from the habit of asking for what they want.
That might rankle too if the thing mattered more than person. But Thomas can do whatever the fuck he pleases with his mouth and it'd still be right.
Thomas makes a low-toned noise, self-satisfied, and just a hint of No, just me. And they are asking, anyway, aren't they. Learning to read each other's minds now that they've learned new languages inside of them, learning to read everything outside of them, too. Every stuttered gasp and clench of muscle and flush of skin. Or maybe-- it's that asking is too painful, because asking implies the answer might be no, and even the possibility between them is something to be disdained.
There's no answer to that, because there's no question, because Thomas' entire reality is James hard and overheated in his mouth, pressing his tongue to the underside and moving his head, moving a little slower than he'd like but quicker than would be reasonable for 'appropriately regaining bearings' or 'teasing'. He wants this, the push at the back of his throat, the fullness of his own breathing, the way he presses down on his lover's hips to hold him and not just hold him down. When he pulls back he presses his head just-so and encourages Jame to pull his hair, push him where he wants. Not much of a respite, only long enough to do that and send a look up at him, crystal-clear blue eyes as bright as they've ever been with desire so stark and deep. A teasing threat of teeth at the base of him, one hand moving between his legs to touch lower, kissing back up his cock to suck him down again.
The heat in that look travels the whole length of him, lodging like a full blunt shape behind his ribs and briefly disorienting him from anything that isn't Thomas' hair between his fingers, or the weight of him against his thigh, or his mouth and how intentional he is. For a moment, propped up on one slanting elbow to look, there is some urge to keep his hand light just to feel how Thomas drives himself without any prompting. But it's an impulse there and gone, thought in the same beat this his grip tightens and he presses into Thomas' mouth - up against the welcome set of fingers.
The line that neck and shoulder draws as Thomas takes him in is such a keen shape. He could map that; measure its trajectory and curve and put it down on paper--
(Speaking of gratuitously horrible writing.)
"Fuck." Which is partly just noise, hissed out. "Look at you."
He still moves as he wants (as he needs to, captive, his own desire like a knife at his throat, on the verge of desperate for how badly he wants the other man), and it's a blessing to want the same thing. There is something divine in the curl of fingers, in the tensing of iliopsoas muscles, in that rasping exhale of fuck.
Thomas' thumb stokes down, curling over the warm weight of James' balls to the skin beneath, pressing with barely-there pressure, a small counter to the abandon with which he sucks him. Taking care only to manage teeth and little else, Thomas pushes forward until he can feel himself choking-- withdrawing in a hurry to drag in a breath, his quiet laugh rough with it. Look at him? He thinks he must look a mess. And deliriously happy.
Pulling off like that means his brain has a second to consider something besides James and his bitter taste and the pulse he can feel, and his own arousal punches into the forefront of his awareness. Fuck, indeed. He shifts up, one hand digging into James's side, lopsided smile on his face. "Kiss me."
He does. As if he even needs the invitation (demand? They have both gotten so good at telling). And God, is it good to taste him - and to taste him -, and to grin roughly into the shape of his mouth instead of kissing him with tongue. "Her busom did expand," he quotes, laughing low and thick and pettish. He has always been good at recall - lines he hardly knows floating to the tip of his tongue at the slightest provocation. And there is his hand between them, catching the silk heat of Thomas' erection in his firm grip like they are boys without any consequence.
(And why should there be?)
"Are you going to fuck me?" James breathes into his mouth. It's not really a question. It's all his most deliriously pleased parts pressed firm against all of Thomas' familiar ones. Like he means to memorize the knots of his knuckles.
This grinning kiss is fine, and good. It means when Thomas closes his teeth to bite James for dredging up that awful muck, he only gets the side of his lower lip. Laughing, lighting up with it, filling every atom. They're enclosed here in jewel-toned candle-lit darkness (where it is safe, where all things happen, whether they're ever brought forth or not), but everything feels bright.
"Mm?" Am I, or am I just going to rut into your hand, like a teenager, like a student, like the fumbling, desperate men we were when the scales first fell off after that stupid dinner. "Of course I am." Another kiss, and he shifts up even further to match him, one knee pressing into the back of James' thigh to nudge him where he wants him - will want him, in a moment. "Permitting--"
Permitting, if all the baubles and jars on the bedside table aren't perfume or things long gone rancid. Pirate or not, spit's not going to do.
The bedside table is within the reach of his arm, so he tries that first - unecessarily coaxing Thomas along with one hand while trying to kiss him and blindly feeling at the assortment of--
"Shit."
It's growled, laced with high spirits and the warmth set deep in his chest, as he twists half out from under Thomas and fumbles with more dedication through their options. If there's nothing here, he'll go out onto that gallery in nothing but his fucking coat and order something be fetched. Fuck pretense; now there is something to win favor with the goddamn crew.
(Thomas' bare side is so warm against the inside of his knee.)
"At least take your trousers off. For fuck's sake." That second part on behalf of a second box of strong smelling cloves and dried citrus peels.
What a sight that would be. Odysseus casts himself instead as Dionysus. Thomas laughs again, low and breathless, and hums in satisfaction at the feeling of James twisting around beneath him. He only hinders his movements a little, hands dragging down his bare sides and around his hips, and then, yes, finally, he rids himself of the rest of his clothes. The both of them left with only decoration; little slips of curved metal and scar tissue.
"Let's see," he sighs, settling atop James's chest like some overgrown housepet unconcerned with his positional comfort, and reaching out to help snag a few vials. He ejects one into the void of the room immediately, denied, pries open the stopper on another to investigate. Pinkish liquid smelling of nothing in particular tips out onto his skin and Thomas rubs fingers through it, over wiry ginger hair, circling one nipple.
There is something specific in the sprawl of Thomas' weight and the points where he's heaviest on top of him that's like clean linens after two months at sea, as warming in to his center as a hungry mouth or pressing fingers. With his chin on his chest, attention only halfway diverted from the inspection of a jar of something that's more paste than liquid, James hums some low sound to acknowledge the wandering touch and the tangle of their bodies and the hard, hot line of Thomas' erection between them.
The paste, whatever it was, looks like it's gone off. The lid goes back on the jar.
(Here, actually, is when the line of his thoughts might be given to making its way beyond this room and past where Thomas can touch. He could think, What the fuck will the crew say?, to begin with. There will be questions, and not ones that deal with Captain Flint fucking Mr Barlow, but Mr Barlow's association with other crews and what that means for the Walrus and--)
But the room is closed and the roughened pads of Thomas' fingers gone soft and smooth under the viscous liquid inspire a particular breed of myopia.
(What it means is that their uneven unity stretches between ships and crews, what it means is that the tipping point from scrambling individuals making no headway into a nation of thieves draws ever closer, what it means is - we will all just have to grow up, won't we. For the war coming, for something without kings.
They've gotten so good at taking.)
"Is it, or are you just impatient?" His voice, low and velvety, as enchanted as he is instigating. But he has no patience for real teasing; he wants James, badly, and there's plenty of time to draw things out later. The damn door's busted, they're never leaving this bloody room, and right now that suits him fine.
He draws a line with the edge of his fingernail through the neutral oil, watching the way the tiniest sliver of James' skin blanches and returns to normal - giving it a second to result in any strange reaction, all the while shifting to have more contact with him, his body, the wonderful heat and hardness of him. Are they old enough to worry about cramped muscles from certain positions? Fuck, he'll think about that some other time.
"Yes," is the summary answer to both, though he fetches the slim bottle from Thomas and dabs the contents onto his thumb.
It smells like nothing much, tastes like little more, and doesn't immediately sting when rubbed inside his cheek; and there is the line of his hip shifting in small, irregular increments under the insistent press of Thomas' frame - the good sense of being too old to fuck with something that's going to make them both tender waging a losing war with the rationale of being fucked throughly enough to feel it after anyway.
"Give me your hand."
Thomas' wrist isn't delicate, only the discoloration there is, and there is care in how James arranges his hand palm up across his chest but he isn't careful. With thumb at the bottle's mouth to regulate, oil is drizzled into waiting fingers. There is something to the look of it, bright in the low light, that fascinates - burns a real low and melting heat into the center of him.
His attention is very keen, the unabashed tip of his head some awkward angle, but the self-satisfaction is all in the curve of his mouth and how he sounds: "Good enough?"
Thomas doesn't need careful. It's nice, sometimes, but not when they're both basically gagging for it. Which, despite the austere evenness bred into him so thoroughly not even five years in a hole could break him of it, Thomas is. So effortlessly, eagerly aligned with the restless way James pushes against him, the bluntness of that Yes.
He kisses him. Agreement. Good enough.
There are surely erotic ways to describe preparation for anal penetration, with artful fingers and so many nerve endings, but(t) for today - Thomas does that, keen on further reacquainting himself with the most pleasing angles, what pressure makes him gasp, or delicate parts of him twitch. For a fevered moment he considers replacing his fingers with his mouth, because he could happily torture James this way forever, but it passes. Another time. (For sure.)
"--Well?"
If he's said anything about being ready before this instant, Thomas has ignored him on account of Knowing Better, but he'll accept such declarations now.
It all is heat being wound up in any case, strung together in this room and made up of sharp breaths and steadying hands, the encouraging jump of twitching muscle, and the brace of a clenched fist at the absurdly intricate headboard with all its curved leaves and rudimentary finches and
(someone in Kingston probably paid a dowry's worth for it, and here is where it's ended up and who's getting fucked against it).
Well.
"Well what," is not a question. It's a bitten out, flush faced demand and Being Kind of a Pushy Bitch About It.
In some later hour, when some of the sweat has dried and he's kissing the back of Thomas' neck and encouraging him to get hard again with some slow stroke of his hand, there will be time for artful meditations on what they are and this is. In this one, he's going pull something figuring out how to effectively kick Thomas in the ass if he doesn't make good on the promise of his hands. Fucking pirates.
In a way, there is no change, and no before with no division to set apart an after. Thomas never thought that the state of that before would be eternal, with James always but trembling under his hands and being molded into whatever he told him to do. Erotic as it was - and still can be, should they find themselves in a mood - such things as this are not static. What was that unspoken thing, an unbroken line from this bed to the steps of Parliament. They were always going to learn each other to the point of demands. Which is to say: pushy bitch is a good look on him that Thomas likes quite a lot.
Sparks of both frustration and relief at the necessity of touching himself enough to be finished with this business, and to answer that not-question, and push inside of him. Not roughly but a tick past as careful as he usually makes himself, strung tight and also impatient. He can still taste James in his mouth, he can near nothing but the other man's breath, and his own pulse in his ears.
Fuck, finally.
Muscle-memory. Heart-memory. The way the world vanishes to leave only the desire to reach the point where things shatter. Breath dragging in, and out, and feeling paradoxically dizzier for it. He pulls James's knee one way, shoves his own up higher, getting just. There.
There's a sound he makes. He's deaf to its exact shape and volume, but can feel it lingering in his throat like a caught breath after, sunk there like a hook he's relieved to find the point of. That's good. That's what he wanted. He can taste the satisfaction in it, sweet and feverish, as Thomas drives into him. Christ, how vividly bright he is; and how gratifying it is to see and feel how much he wants him poured back into him by Thomas' body and the desire stark in his face.
Pinned between that and his own braced hand, he shakes first like a taut thread and then laughs low and growling and "Fuck."
Which - yes. Clearly, if his inability to be still is any indication. He is all flexing muscle, an encouraging shift of hip, his free hand finding whatever point of leverage (Thomas' bicep) that's worth exploiting. This, this, this, says all the air in the room and that's no different from how it's always been.
That desperate, lush almost-animal sound and the growl in his voice sure does something.
It's ridiculous, the stuff of over-romantic nonsense, but every time is the best time anew. (Except for once, when they were really, really drunk.) Because every time is another explosive chance to stitch together two parts of something that should have been born together. There are a thousand poems like that, and they're all dull and unbelievable, because they don't say anything about the way James carves out the word fuck or the way his eyes look that way, the shade of perfect green. It doesn't occur to him that this, too, is over-romantic nonsense, because it isn't, and because everything feels too good to bother with thoughts any more complicated than yes.
Extra inches are a hazard on a ship, narrowly missing losing the top half of his head to low ceilings and whirling [stick various sails are connected to i'm sorry abby i googled jib and just confused myself with diagrams, i could rework this sentence but i wrote more of the paragraph before i googled, don't ever show this tag to anyone it's TERRIBLE]s, but in bed, they're wonderfully handy for leverage, and Thomas employs every spare inch of himself to fuck into him and chase that lovely sound again, and again. One hand is fixed to his hip, keeping up up, right where he wants (needs) him, but the other he looses to reach up and pry James's from the headboard. In a moment he'll see to his cock and making sure he finds his climax like this, but for right now, it's vital that he grip his hand in his hard enough it has to hurt, and look at him, and breathe the same.
It does - hurt. And anchors him as soundly as that first, more demanding hand secure at his hip does. Where would he be without those two points, the rasp of Thomas' breathing so loud in the half light that he can feel in it his skin, and being looked at. It would be easy to drown in this. Instead it's pain in his fingers and the matching pressure of his thumb digging hard against the line of Thomas's arm, and it is like standing at the edge of something big and broad and clear and being able look all the way down into it so as to actually see the sweet thing they're made of.
Also, significantly: strips him of some of his ability to press into that offer of heat, which if what actually makes it simpler (possible, necessary as breathing) to ask for More or huff There, or just bristle and collapse in turn in answer to being given what he wants.
(If there's some new series of raucous noises from the floor below, they seem especially flat and inessential. Go figure that it takes more than the clatter of what-the-fuck-ever to disturb the intent of being fucked insensible.)
It's a habit he needs to break (holding onto something, forgetting what normalcy feels like, needing to believe something is real after so long spent dissociating to survive), but James doesn't protest and so Thomas doesn't think of it, and he can remember later, and apologize, and things will either be strange for a moment as they contend with the fact that there is a before and an after, or it will be fine; people do odd things even when their lives haven't been destroyed.
Some of the real magic in fucking when it's as good as this is that time becomes exquisitely meaningless. What takes an age isn't long enough and heartbeats last an eternity. Entropy erodes the ability for Thomas to hold their hands that way, leverage vs sweat demanding a shift, and when he does, he kisses him, panting and messy and delirious and in love with him with everything, everything. Curled closer, hips digging in, buried, Thomas holds James' cock in his hand and strokes him (not hard enough to hurt), uncoordinated but learned.
If no-one hears the screaming chorus emanating from the lower floor of the building, did any of them actually make any noise. Does the moon exist without anyone to look at it. Does anything at all matter if it doesn't occur in this room, between these two bodies?
It's a question someone else would have to answer. They are uniquely unqualified, as even the before to the after is still set between them; and there is that line leading here and everything of significance still falls somewhere along it.
(Maybe Mrs Barlow knows something of the answer. But if he doesn't think it while in her company, he certainly doesn't while out of it, and under these circumstances.)
Thomas kisses him, or James kisses him with his hands hot at the back of Thomas' neck and his fingers all grasping in his pale burnished hair. It doesn't really matter which is which, just that it happens. Like all of Thomas's raw breathing pressed into his mouth happens, like his able hands on him and his driving heat in him does. Never mind who knows it or what gets written down. If it's like Isaiah said, - that God formed the earth and he created it to be inhabited, - then this must be what he meant by it.
And at some point, when the combination everything that Thomas is gets too bright to hold, he can pant Easy, easy, let me feel you, into his mouth like its own devotional, so he can recognize his place in the world and all the pleasantly heavy ways Thomas pins him in it before coming undone in it.
Is there something else you feel? is not asked, and it'd be rhetorical, anyway. Thomas gives him everything he asks for, whether he does so with words or the strain in his body where Thomas feels him every-which-way.
"I'm here," he says instead, pointlessly, mindlessly, still so close to him. "We're here."
And it's real.
James in pleasure is the most beautiful thing Thomas has ever seen. Horribly cliche and impossible to rationally believe, as all humans go inelegantly funny in the moment, but he feels it somewhere metaphysical, a bright flame that baptizes for the other side. And an animal satisfaction that's so deep it almost distracts him from his own-- almost. Nobody gets to come at the same time except in drunken tales of debauchery, and that suits him wonderfully, because who'd want to miss watching a lover. Not him. Especially not James, flushed and perfect, in pieces, each of which he knows down to the blood and bone.
Close enough. And good thing, he should probably give James's knee a rest after the angle he's had them tweaked at.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
huehue
He laughs, bright and breathless, manages not to punch his bicep for that coy look. "This."
Or are they not the type. They've never tried - and acting out the same, fatal charade here in this lawless world as they did in England is sometimes too much to bear. There is something viciously freeing in having slammed that door with no attempt at defense. This it not something that needs justification, and they are not in fucking England.
Trying to peel James' shirt off while horizontal is slightly clumsy work, but as always, he falls into being practiced. Familiar shifts of posture and expanses of skin, with new scars, and freckles baked differently in the sun. It's not fair that James, ginger, tans even a little better than Thomas, who does nothing but burn horribly. Absurd. Beautiful. He pushes into the hand between them. Mm. (He doesn't think of the past, but he does think it's very nice that his sexuality returned after Bethlem, eventually.) With his weight on one elbow, Thomas skims one hand up James' chest and throat, pressing his thumb over his mouth as he shifts to scrape teeth along his jaw so he can murmur near his cheekbone, low and quiet, "I feel every way with you, my love, unraveled to the barest limit and still.. given pause over.. what to do with you."
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And has been prone to thinking them elsewhere, and in more inconvenient instances than flat on his back in a bought room with a cracked plaster ceiling and a door which either latches or doesn't.
(Before the trouble with Thomas' hand, say, when the Ranger's accountant had yet been operating as Charles Vane in fiat; the intrusive quality of watching Mr Barlow in the waist of some captured ship brusquely going about the business of taking the account as wreckage from the shattered foremost rigging is being cleared away from about him, and being suddenly aware that his interest has more to do with the line of Thomas hip and the flush of activity or sunburn on the back of his neck than it is to do with any show of seeing that Mr Barlow not somehow fuck them.
—Well.
There is something to be said for having Thomas here, on shore. Things like how he doesn't have to be sick with nerves when they are running down on some merchantman who's refused to strike her colors; how Miranda deserves her husband; how Thomas is maybe just marginally less likely to find himself in a position where he might be stabbed for being too fucking well bred in Nassau than on the deck of an unsecured prize. But it also means more than once being stuck on the Walrus at anchor on the harbor, snapping and surly over the ship's business keeping him there instead of finding some quiet, private place to reacquaint with Mr Barlow.)
So maybe he has an idea of what he wants as he takes Thomas' thumb into his mouth, humming some low note around it in time with the pointed squeeze of fingers. And maybe the real absurdity is anyone pretending that this is at all different or particular from every other hour of the day, when really the suggestions he makes with his tongue and the edge of teeth are as premeditated and sly and expectant as any other tactic. There's a basic self satisfaction in it; an insistence toward action. Getting the weather over on some prize isn't really so far removed from sucking Thomas' fingers into his mouth while he has the man's cock in his hand.
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--Increasingly impatient desire. Thomas pushes up - leaving his fingers where they are only long enough to duck in and place them with his mouth, his own tongue, claiming a deep, artless kiss - to get better leverage to start shuffling two pairs of trousers off. Something downstairs happens to prompt screaming cheers from what must be the whole company, hardly noticed in this heated chamber. Thomas rakes blunt fingernails down the crest of hip to pelvis to wrap his hand around James' erection, palming him, stroking upward and shifting to hold them together, in a tangle of laces and all else. Bright heat on such delicate, silky skin, the rough edges of fabric tugged only half-away, glassy eyes caught between the sight of it and his lover's face.
It's a good idea, just give him a minute.
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So never mind whatever inconsequential thing is happening downstairs—(What brought the Walrus man to door in the first place?, he doesn't think; Christ, let that din be over something easy like a pair of tits out)—, he's engaged with the bare line of Thomas's neck and shoulder under his fingers, and the heat of him against and between them, and first returning that kiss with his own hungry mouth then setting teeth and tongue to the sensitive skin of Thomas' throat.
Maybe the mark will be pleasantly obvious. Maybe, with the Ranger presently at large, it will be difficult to attribute it to Mr Barlow's French mistress.
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What's the point of being an anarchist outlaw if you're still being strangled to death by propriety. (What's the point of stealing and liberating and disrupting if you aren't doing it to fight back.)
The arch of his spine, the exhale from his lungs; Please. Fingernails (at his side, from the hand not on his dick) (Thomas has manners) rake against him. Leave every mark. There's no pain or attraction to suffering; only reality, and excess, and actually tasting the damn thing.
Unless James is actually going to draw blood and turn both these threads into surprise horror, Thomas is going to properly sit up and drag his trousers and all else off. Manhandling him where he wants him (briefly thinking how different sweat and heat smell when it's from lust than fear, how something can be so different) and only offering a brief detour to set teeth against the inside of his thigh, then his mouth is on his cock. Not as practiced as he once was, but still. If James meant the other way 'round he can lodge (hah) a formal complaint somewhere.
no subject
"Christ."
Which is half frustrated laugh, fingers shifting in pale hair, and half the lines of muscle and sinew which sharpen toward the heat of Thomas' mouth. Because it's good regardless. Because for all that this is an uninterrupted line drawing straight back to steps outside of Parliament, and for all the careful touches and arrangement of hands and laces and pale scars since, it's still true that they both fallen free from the habit of asking for what they want.
That might rankle too if the thing mattered more than person. But Thomas can do whatever the fuck he pleases with his mouth and it'd still be right.
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Thomas makes a low-toned noise, self-satisfied, and just a hint of No, just me. And they are asking, anyway, aren't they. Learning to read each other's minds now that they've learned new languages inside of them, learning to read everything outside of them, too. Every stuttered gasp and clench of muscle and flush of skin. Or maybe-- it's that asking is too painful, because asking implies the answer might be no, and even the possibility between them is something to be disdained.
There's no answer to that, because there's no question, because Thomas' entire reality is James hard and overheated in his mouth, pressing his tongue to the underside and moving his head, moving a little slower than he'd like but quicker than would be reasonable for 'appropriately regaining bearings' or 'teasing'. He wants this, the push at the back of his throat, the fullness of his own breathing, the way he presses down on his lover's hips to hold him and not just hold him down. When he pulls back he presses his head just-so and encourages Jame to pull his hair, push him where he wants. Not much of a respite, only long enough to do that and send a look up at him, crystal-clear blue eyes as bright as they've ever been with desire so stark and deep. A teasing threat of teeth at the base of him, one hand moving between his legs to touch lower, kissing back up his cock to suck him down again.
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The line that neck and shoulder draws as Thomas takes him in is such a keen shape. He could map that; measure its trajectory and curve and put it down on paper--
(Speaking of gratuitously horrible writing.)
"Fuck." Which is partly just noise, hissed out. "Look at you."
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Thomas' thumb stokes down, curling over the warm weight of James' balls to the skin beneath, pressing with barely-there pressure, a small counter to the abandon with which he sucks him. Taking care only to manage teeth and little else, Thomas pushes forward until he can feel himself choking-- withdrawing in a hurry to drag in a breath, his quiet laugh rough with it. Look at him? He thinks he must look a mess. And deliriously happy.
Pulling off like that means his brain has a second to consider something besides James and his bitter taste and the pulse he can feel, and his own arousal punches into the forefront of his awareness. Fuck, indeed. He shifts up, one hand digging into James's side, lopsided smile on his face. "Kiss me."
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(And why should there be?)
"Are you going to fuck me?" James breathes into his mouth. It's not really a question. It's all his most deliriously pleased parts pressed firm against all of Thomas' familiar ones. Like he means to memorize the knots of his knuckles.
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"Mm?" Am I, or am I just going to rut into your hand, like a teenager, like a student, like the fumbling, desperate men we were when the scales first fell off after that stupid dinner. "Of course I am." Another kiss, and he shifts up even further to match him, one knee pressing into the back of James' thigh to nudge him where he wants him - will want him, in a moment. "Permitting--"
Permitting, if all the baubles and jars on the bedside table aren't perfume or things long gone rancid. Pirate or not, spit's not going to do.
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"Shit."
It's growled, laced with high spirits and the warmth set deep in his chest, as he twists half out from under Thomas and fumbles with more dedication through their options. If there's nothing here, he'll go out onto that gallery in nothing but his fucking coat and order something be fetched. Fuck pretense; now there is something to win favor with the goddamn crew.
(Thomas' bare side is so warm against the inside of his knee.)
"At least take your trousers off. For fuck's sake." That second part on behalf of a second box of strong smelling cloves and dried citrus peels.
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"Let's see," he sighs, settling atop James's chest like some overgrown housepet unconcerned with his positional comfort, and reaching out to help snag a few vials. He ejects one into the void of the room immediately, denied, pries open the stopper on another to investigate. Pinkish liquid smelling of nothing in particular tips out onto his skin and Thomas rubs fingers through it, over wiry ginger hair, circling one nipple.
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The paste, whatever it was, looks like it's gone off. The lid goes back on the jar.
(Here, actually, is when the line of his thoughts might be given to making its way beyond this room and past where Thomas can touch. He could think, What the fuck will the crew say?, to begin with. There will be questions, and not ones that deal with Captain Flint fucking Mr Barlow, but Mr Barlow's association with other crews and what that means for the Walrus and--)
But the room is closed and the roughened pads of Thomas' fingers gone soft and smooth under the viscous liquid inspire a particular breed of myopia.
"Good enough."
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They've gotten so good at taking.)
"Is it, or are you just impatient?" His voice, low and velvety, as enchanted as he is instigating. But he has no patience for real teasing; he wants James, badly, and there's plenty of time to draw things out later. The damn door's busted, they're never leaving this bloody room, and right now that suits him fine.
He draws a line with the edge of his fingernail through the neutral oil, watching the way the tiniest sliver of James' skin blanches and returns to normal - giving it a second to result in any strange reaction, all the while shifting to have more contact with him, his body, the wonderful heat and hardness of him. Are they old enough to worry about cramped muscles from certain positions? Fuck, he'll think about that some other time.
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It smells like nothing much, tastes like little more, and doesn't immediately sting when rubbed inside his cheek; and there is the line of his hip shifting in small, irregular increments under the insistent press of Thomas' frame - the good sense of being too old to fuck with something that's going to make them both tender waging a losing war with the rationale of being fucked throughly enough to feel it after anyway.
"Give me your hand."
Thomas' wrist isn't delicate, only the discoloration there is, and there is care in how James arranges his hand palm up across his chest but he isn't careful. With thumb at the bottle's mouth to regulate, oil is drizzled into waiting fingers. There is something to the look of it, bright in the low light, that fascinates - burns a real low and melting heat into the center of him.
His attention is very keen, the unabashed tip of his head some awkward angle, but the self-satisfaction is all in the curve of his mouth and how he sounds: "Good enough?"
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He kisses him. Agreement. Good enough.
There are surely erotic ways to describe preparation for anal penetration, with artful fingers and so many nerve endings, but(t) for today - Thomas does that, keen on further reacquainting himself with the most pleasing angles, what pressure makes him gasp, or delicate parts of him twitch. For a fevered moment he considers replacing his fingers with his mouth, because he could happily torture James this way forever, but it passes. Another time. (For sure.)
"--Well?"
If he's said anything about being ready before this instant, Thomas has ignored him on account of Knowing Better, but he'll accept such declarations now.
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(someone in Kingston probably paid a dowry's worth for it, and here is where it's ended up and who's getting fucked against it).
Well.
"Well what," is not a question. It's a bitten out, flush faced demand and Being Kind of a Pushy Bitch About It.
In some later hour, when some of the sweat has dried and he's kissing the back of Thomas' neck and encouraging him to get hard again with some slow stroke of his hand, there will be time for artful meditations on what they are and this is. In this one, he's going pull something figuring out how to effectively kick Thomas in the ass if he doesn't make good on the promise of his hands. Fucking pirates.
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Sparks of both frustration and relief at the necessity of touching himself enough to be finished with this business, and to answer that not-question, and push inside of him. Not roughly but a tick past as careful as he usually makes himself, strung tight and also impatient. He can still taste James in his mouth, he can near nothing but the other man's breath, and his own pulse in his ears.
Fuck, finally.
Muscle-memory. Heart-memory. The way the world vanishes to leave only the desire to reach the point where things shatter. Breath dragging in, and out, and feeling paradoxically dizzier for it. He pulls James's knee one way, shoves his own up higher, getting just. There.
is.qq
Pinned between that and his own braced hand, he shakes first like a taut thread and then laughs low and growling and "Fuck."
Which - yes. Clearly, if his inability to be still is any indication. He is all flexing muscle, an encouraging shift of hip, his free hand finding whatever point of leverage (Thomas' bicep) that's worth exploiting. This, this, this, says all the air in the room and that's no different from how it's always been.
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It's ridiculous, the stuff of over-romantic nonsense, but every time is the best time anew. (Except for once, when they were really, really drunk.) Because every time is another explosive chance to stitch together two parts of something that should have been born together. There are a thousand poems like that, and they're all dull and unbelievable, because they don't say anything about the way James carves out the word fuck or the way his eyes look that way, the shade of perfect green. It doesn't occur to him that this, too, is over-romantic nonsense, because it isn't, and because everything feels too good to bother with thoughts any more complicated than yes.
Extra inches are a hazard on a ship, narrowly missing losing the top half of his head to low ceilings and whirling [stick various sails are connected to i'm sorry abby i googled jib and just confused myself with diagrams, i could rework this sentence but i wrote more of the paragraph before i googled, don't ever show this tag to anyone it's TERRIBLE]s, but in bed, they're wonderfully handy for leverage, and Thomas employs every spare inch of himself to fuck into him and chase that lovely sound again, and again. One hand is fixed to his hip, keeping up up, right where he wants (needs) him, but the other he looses to reach up and pry James's from the headboard. In a moment he'll see to his cock and making sure he finds his climax like this, but for right now, it's vital that he grip his hand in his hard enough it has to hurt, and look at him, and breathe the same.
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Also, significantly: strips him of some of his ability to press into that offer of heat, which if what actually makes it simpler (possible, necessary as breathing) to ask for More or huff There, or just bristle and collapse in turn in answer to being given what he wants.
(If there's some new series of raucous noises from the floor below, they seem especially flat and inessential. Go figure that it takes more than the clatter of what-the-fuck-ever to disturb the intent of being fucked insensible.)
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Some of the real magic in fucking when it's as good as this is that time becomes exquisitely meaningless. What takes an age isn't long enough and heartbeats last an eternity. Entropy erodes the ability for Thomas to hold their hands that way, leverage vs sweat demanding a shift, and when he does, he kisses him, panting and messy and delirious and in love with him with everything, everything. Curled closer, hips digging in, buried, Thomas holds James' cock in his hand and strokes him (not hard enough to hurt), uncoordinated but learned.
If no-one hears the screaming chorus emanating from the lower floor of the building, did any of them actually make any noise. Does the moon exist without anyone to look at it. Does anything at all matter if it doesn't occur in this room, between these two bodies?
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(Maybe Mrs Barlow knows something of the answer. But if he doesn't think it while in her company, he certainly doesn't while out of it, and under these circumstances.)
Thomas kisses him, or James kisses him with his hands hot at the back of Thomas' neck and his fingers all grasping in his pale burnished hair. It doesn't really matter which is which, just that it happens. Like all of Thomas's raw breathing pressed into his mouth happens, like his able hands on him and his driving heat in him does. Never mind who knows it or what gets written down. If it's like Isaiah said, - that God formed the earth and he created it to be inhabited, - then this must be what he meant by it.
And at some point, when the combination everything that Thomas is gets too bright to hold, he can pant Easy, easy, let me feel you, into his mouth like its own devotional, so he can recognize his place in the world and all the pleasantly heavy ways Thomas pins him in it before coming undone in it.
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"I'm here," he says instead, pointlessly, mindlessly, still so close to him. "We're here."
And it's real.
James in pleasure is the most beautiful thing Thomas has ever seen. Horribly cliche and impossible to rationally believe, as all humans go inelegantly funny in the moment, but he feels it somewhere metaphysical, a bright flame that baptizes for the other side. And an animal satisfaction that's so deep it almost distracts him from his own-- almost. Nobody gets to come at the same time except in drunken tales of debauchery, and that suits him wonderfully, because who'd want to miss watching a lover. Not him. Especially not James, flushed and perfect, in pieces, each of which he knows down to the blood and bone.
Close enough. And good thing, he should probably give James's knee a rest after the angle he's had them tweaked at.
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